January 2011
114 posts
You know what? Maybe new year's eve is just not my...
Spending it on a bus. Tonight was not worth leaving the apartment.
novazembla replied to your post: When you account for the mittens and the warmth…
I think builders and landlords in California just say, “Ah, the weather here is great! This place is known for that!” and fuck off for the day instead of insulating anything. ANYTHING.
This! This is exactly my problem! “These giant, single-paned, loose-fitting windows will be FINE, it’s...
1 tag
When you account for the mittens and the warmth from walking, I think I will actually be warmer when I head out into 48 degree rain in a couple of hours than I am now, inside my apartment.
December 2010
48 posts
I’m sure this “TSA searched your bag” brochure has absolutely NOTHING to do with the, um, knife I packed in my checked bag. I can’t help it if I got a small cleaver for Christmas! Anyhow, I didn’t even kind of try to hijack the plane.
3 tags
titanium
one time, my mother gave my sister a titanium spork for christmas.
“OH EM GEE, THIS POST MAKES ME WANT TO STAB YOU BOTH IN THE EYES WITH A SPORK.”
– It’s spork night here at casa fancy pants.
JEEVES, BRING ME MY SPORK.
“I’m not lazy, I’m just resting up for my 30’s.
*burps*
...”
I really should not be allowed to roam the...
I am only giving myself the angries.
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“i’m ok with being charlotte gainsbourg, i think
i’ll look very...”
– Walt
friends who get my sense of style
Walt: also you're wearing a short cape?
Me: yes
it's gold lamé
and a helmet
Walt: hahaha
Me: and driving gloves
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Me: someday my hyundai commercial will come
Walt: haha
yess
and lo it will be awesome
Me: it will
probably it will not be an actual hyundai commercial though
probably it will be like, a pretty menial job with lots of phone-answering
Walt: a metaphorical hyundai commercial
Me: but I will dress it up as a hyundai commercial and pretend
and people will ask "how was wo—"
Walt: haha
Me: and I will interrupt, "YOU MEAN HOW WAS MY HYUNDAI COMMERCIAL??"
"IT WAS AWESOME. DUH, IT IS A HYUNDAI COMMERCIAL."
Walt: and then you will pull down your driving goggles and run off with your arms in front of you
going vrrrrroooooom
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saw a girl I went to college with in a hyundai...
jesus, classmates, stop being so frigging accomplished.
this would all be easier for me if y’all were less talented, or less nice.
“Friend of mine
You’ve been a friend this time
And I’d like to...”
– “Gay Cowboy” - Jude
So slow and honky tonk, and then so DIRTY.
not to go into too much detail or anything
but I think the underwire in this bra may actually have just punctured my skin.
OW.
fuck this, I'm gonna go eat cookies.
ARGH, guess who aaaaaalmost got a job and then had it swooped away by someone else at the last possible moment?
This year sucks.
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Just reread a school-mandated travel journal and my 13-year-old fixation on mealtime is kind of hilarious. Also, I needed to come up with a description other than, “it was cool.”
“Today for lunch I had a delicious pasta dish with peas and mushrooms. It was cool. Andrea had sea food. I had to sit next to Lindsey, but it was ok. Then we went to the Academia and saw the David. It...
“Boromir killed by orcs. Knew orcs good for something.”
– The Very Secret Diary of Samwise Gamgee (via love-and-radiation)
I lol’d.
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Secret Ingredient Fudge – Tasty Kitchen →
I can’t even….
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I really should have known better.
It is not shocking that reading the okcupid profile of the Person Who Said The Most Terrible Thing to me makes me angry, but, dude, so angry! His answers to questions are so OFFENSIVE.
There should be a companion site to okcupid where you can post terrible true facts about people you’ve dated, just so that the world is forewarned. Or maybe I should just ask to interview a few ex girlfriends...
mmmprrhahahsshasanafdp.
Laundry is more fun if every time I get up to move things from washer to drier/fold/get more dirty clothes I announce it by singing “laun-DRYYYYY” in my best opera voice.
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just got this spam. oh, those dastardly spammers.
Greetings To You, On behalf of the UNITED NATIONS end of year committee, we wish to notify you as a beneficiary of $350,000.00 USD in compensation of scam victims. This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank to pay 10 victims of scam $350,000.00 USD each. You are to fill the appropriate form below and send it back to us. 1. Full Names: 2. Contact...
Sent follow-up email to missed phone call from Friday, anxious elephants now parading through my chest cavity.
Please let me not get rejected from yet another job. Please?
“Well, I’m actually not going to breastfeed the Icelandic nation, I’m...”
– Vigdis Finnbogadottir, the first female head of state of Iceland, in response to a comment by one of her male opponents in the election that she couldn’t be president because she was a woman, or maybe half a woman due to her breast cancer and subsequent mastectomy.
via Halla Tomasdottir: A...
Hi, PARANOID.
missed a call from the company that's interviewed...
They didn’t leave a message. Is that good or bad?
AGH.
Possibly I should learn to have fun when I’m out alone/make friends with strangers at events. I know I have a Bad Attitude, but I can’t help it that I find many people profoundly irritating. Also, events crammed with adorable first date couples are really bad places to make friends. See, this is why I don’t go outside.
Kidding.
Kind of.
Tonight, I was accidentally the fifth wheel on what turned out to be pretty much a double date. There was not enough overpriced vodka in that museum to really make that great. Oh, and they were all like 40 minutes late, so for the first 40 minutes I wandered around one of the best first date venues in the city by myself, plotting the grisly murders of several adorable couples. I am not good at...
“I feel like the ossified woman in the side show.”
– Esther
maximum dignified
My interviewer called 1.5 hours early. I had just gotten out of the shower and so I conducted the interview in my underwear, clutching my sweatshirt but unable to put it on without putting down the phone.
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“I don’t have to worry about this because I survive on a diet of lentils...”
– Best. Diet. Ever.
Weight Watchers Liberates Fruits and Veggies (But Not Brownies) From Points System
Time elapsed between "I love Santacon" and "STFU,...
Fourteen minutes.
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OH on Muni
Girl: oooh, tomorrow let's make blueberry banana pancakes!
Her girlfriend, matter of factly: no, I can't, I'm going to Alaska.
Girl: ... WHAT?
(loud argument ensues.)
nothing like a phone interview to get the...
Top Chef: All-Stars: Festival of Losers Brings the... →
Let me just say that “Festival of Losers” is the best interpretation of “All-Stars” that I have ever heard.
“December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September,...”
– Mark Twain (via hippiecrack)
Shook, shook, TADA!
Hey dude on the bus: thanks for setting the volume on that game you’re playing on your phone to Maximum Annoying.